Sink or swim

Since I've been in Los Angeles (which is about two months now), I have had a lot of time to listen to music and podcasts - I try to see that as a benefit of my desk job and spending so much time driving a car. I love anything that has a documentary-style feel to it, and often when I'm filing or photocopying for hours, I use the time to listen to the BBC World Service radio documentaries. Much to my delight, the third documentary I listened to this past Friday (I'm not kidding when I say I have a lot of time to do this kind of thing) was titled "Escaping the Water Wolf: With climate change bringing new threats of rising sea levels and increased rainfall, will luck and ingenuity continue to save the Netherlands from submersion?" You can listen to the program here.

The Netherlands - in case you couldn't guess by the name - is home to the lowest elevation in Europe (Fun Netherlands Factbook link here). People are living 7 meters below sea level in Zuidplaspolder, which is near Rotterdam, and the documentary talked about how climate change is going to affect the Netherlands in the future. Interesting stuff to learn about my future home.

Today I confirmed all my plans in terms of arriving in Europe on the 21st of April. I have a place to stay in Paris and friends to see for the two days that I'll be there. It's so easy to arrive in Paris - I know exactly where I'll pick up my bags, where I'll grab a taxi, and exactly how to tell the taxi driver where I want to go. I realized as I was thinking everything through that I don't know about any of that stuff in terms of arriving in Amsterdam. I know I'll arrive at the train station around 19.30 on the 23rd of April and take a taxi to my friend's apartment - an apartment I've only been to once, in a neighborhood that I've only seen at night. I don't even know the name of the neighborhood where she lives! I wonder if it will seem real - arriving in Amsterdam without a return ticket, knowing that I'm planning to stay.

I got a confirmation email from the Binger Filmlab saying that my application had been received, and I should find out if I made the short list of applicants sometime after April 10. I still put my chances of getting in to that school at 100 to 1, but we'll see. I had some email exchanges in the past few days in regards to the job in Amsterdam, and hopefully a phone call to be scheduled this week. Nothing ever moves fast enough for my taste, but at this point all I can do is wait. At least it's finally April! And remember, if you live in Amsterdam - tonight the Kaizers Orchestra is playing at the Paradiso. I love this band so much it makes me want to learn Norwegian, just so I can sing along with all the songs. I wonder if I can find the same type of thing in a Dutch band?

Deadlines are approaching

The 15th of March is the deadline for my Binger application - a date that has always seemed very far away, until I realized yesterday that it's only another three weeks! The more I learn about this school, the more I think I'm not qualified enough to make it in, which only makes me want to get in that much more. The biggest part of the problem in getting a good start on the application was how to approach the essays - the questions are simple and annoyingly vague - "the reasons and motivation for applying at this stage in your career" and "your key goals in following the programme." The reason I had a difficult time getting started answering is because there are two options for applying to the Creative Producers Programme- as a producer with a project i.e. participating in the programme with a writer engaged on the Script Development Programme OR as a producer without a project who participates in the programme to develop his/her skills in working with writers and directors while enhancing understandings of dramatic forms, style and structure.

The thing is, I do have an idea, and I'm quite serious about making it happen. However, I also realize that it's just simply not developed enough at this stage to sell anyone else on what it is I want to do (I will come back to this in a minute). It's a nice thought that I could take my brilliant idea to Binger, and they would say "welcome, let us help you realize this!" But realistically? I don't have a writer - I'm the writer. And the film is a documentary, and Binger does not seem to turn out a lot of documentary work. I considered just giving up on the idea of Binger altogether, but then I thought... well, why not go for option two? I mean, option two describes me a lot better anyway. So I am applying as someone without a project who wants to develop my skills. If I get in, whatever I can learn is only going to benefit me.

In the past several weeks, I have been soaking up everything I can (with what limited time I have) on video blogging, and getting a lot of great information from sites like Moment Showing, Ryan Is Hungry, and the Semanal Project. All of these places have links to tutorials for putting video up on the web and making better use of blogging software, and there's just something about this medium that is really, really speaking to me right now. I spoke about this a few weeks ago, and the reason I mention it again is because I'm starting to think of all of the different options I have as a future "documentary filmmaker." I don't need a team of writers to accomplish my goal. The project I want to work on is very, very close to my heart. I want to make it my way - and of course get help as I go along - but I don't necessarily think that workshopping it for 5 months at a school is really something that would help, in the grand scheme of things. My ultimate goal isn't to make money with this film, it's to try and change the world. And it's selfish as well - it's giving me a reason to stay creative and to start taking on more responsibility, and it's the driving force behind me moving back to Europe.

However, it's not going to be my full-time job or my only mission. I also want to work on other video projects, and honestly, I would welcome the opportunity to work on a film that is a bit lighter in subject than what I'm used to thinking about. One of the reasons I chose Amsterdam for my next home is because even just as a visitor in that city, I've noticed the very vibrant, creative, international community of people that populate the area. I know I'll find my place somehow, and as I work on my application to Binger, I'm also thinking about essays I'm going to be writing for graduate schools. I'm thinking about any other skills I might have, like working in tourism (I gave walking tours in Paris for close to a year), that might be worth considering again. I'm thinking about not actually settling down anywhere, but spending 3 months a year in NYC, three months in Sarajevo, six months in Amsterdam or Paris - everything is a possibility right now.

But ideally, Amsterdam will be my home base. And since I have plane tickets that put me there from April 23 - December 22nd, I'm going to have to work on how exactly I'm going to do that without getting deported. I have a plan for that (even if everything else fails) that I will go into in my next post.

Let's talk details: honestly, how am I really going to do this?

With just sixty-five days left (not that I'm counting down or anything) until I'm back in Europe, it really is time to start thinking very seriously about exactly how I'm going to do this.

I know I want to establish myself there. And while I talk a lot about Amsterdam on this blog, I do want it to be known that I'm not married to the idea of living there for the rest of my life. I don't have a very good track record of sticking around, so as much as I'd like to think that me and Amsterdam belong together - that has yet to be seen. But I am sure that I want to be in Europe. First and foremost, because I am committed to the idea of making a documentary in the former Yugoslavia. I want to put filmmaking/videomaking first, everything else second. I want to combine my insatiable curiosity and passion for European history and politics with my love for documentary work, and hopefully find a community of people who share similar interests.

So I'm clear on my passions. I know I love Amsterdam and I can't wait to try and make my life there. And yes, I am very, very, very nervous and anxious about doing all of this on my own. I think I get a lot of undeserved credit for deciding to make this move, but the thing that just outright confuses me is when people say "you're so lucky!" I don't get that. Anyone - certainly any American - could do exactly what I'm doing. It's easier because I don't have kids, a house, or a family to support. But otherwise... luck? I decided to quit a really great job in New York City and leave most of my friends and family to move to a country that is already too crowded, where I hardly know anyone, I don't know the language, and the weather sucks. If I succeed in making Amsterdam my home, then maybe one can say I'm lucky ... but if I do succeed it will be because I worked my ass off on making it happen.

I'm trying to think in terms of a five-year plan. If I really, really want to make this documentary the way it should be made, I need at least five years in Europe. If I want to establish any kind of professional life, I'm going to need a lot of time to meet people and make connections - way more time than I would need if I moved to some random city in the US. As much as I wish that I could just live anywhere in the world that I want simply because I like it, that's just not the way the world works, and I need to accept that reality. So how does a 28-year-old American go about re-establishing a life in Europe?

There's still a shot at a job in Amsterdam, working in post-production for an American-owned company. If that doesn't work, then there's the Binger Filmlab. If I don't get accepted into Binger, I need to think of other ways to fill my time and eventually make some money... savings are only going to last so long. Well, I started dusting off an old idea, which is going for a Masters degree at a European university. I'm the first one to say that for just about everything I'm interested in (film, history, current European politics), I don't need a school to give me a degree in order to learn about the subject. To learn about filmmaking, I can make films on my own. To learn about history, I can read books. If I want to talk politics, there's a zillion places for that. So is it really worth it, o spend a bunch of money to get a degree in something just because I like it? Someone who gets a Masters in Law, or Business, or some kind of Computer Science... they'll likely go on to make a lot of money and be able to justify the expense. Me, I want to make documentaries and try to change the world. Last time I checked, that is not exactly a lucrative business.

But perhaps - if the job and the Binger filmlab don't work out - thinking about grad school in Europe isn't such a bad idea. It gives me a valid reason to be where I want to be. It may make me more appealing to future European employers ... I don't think it could hurt. I've been doing a lot of research on this lately and opened up my search to just about anywhere in Europe that isn't the UK or Ireland (nothing again those countries, they're wonderful places to visit but I wouldn't want to live there). Of course, because I seem to enjoy making life difficult for myself, I eliminated every native-English-speaking country from the list of places I would want to live - even though English is the only language I can speak fluently (I can get by with conversational, informal French and have some high school Spanish, but that's about it). So what other country offers an impressive list of graduate programs that are all taught in English?

The Netherlands, of course. "The Dutch higher education institutions together offer about 1,300 international study programmes and courses which are taught entirely in English. This makes Holland the front-runner in continental Europe." Even when I open my mind up to going somewhere that isn't in the Netherlands, I get pulled back. There are plenty of English-language programs in Germany, and even in the Czech Republic, Poland, and Estonia - but nothing quite compares to the options offered at the various universities in Holland.

Not to worry (in case you were worried, you, the random person reading my blog), this is not something I'm rushing into. It's just an idea, and I'm in the information-gathering stage. Even thinking in the long-term is a pretty scary idea for me, but I acknowledge that it might be nice to live somewhere for more than two years. Who knows, maybe Amsterdam will be that place.

When I check in on the visitor stats to this blog, it excites me to see that more than half of the people are from European countries. I really hope to use this blog as a way to meet people once I'm back in Europe, and maybe even help someone else who is considering moving abroad. When I first moved to Paris a few years ago, I didn't know anyone there. I honestly attribute most of the reason I ended up living in Paris to one woman named Fran, who without knowing me in person (we met in a move-to-Paris online community), agreed to host me and my then-boyfriend at her apartment for a few nights back in 2004. Beyond just giving me a roof over my head, she also introduced me to some of her friends - so by the time I moved there, I had a few people I could call up for a cup of coffee or glass of wine. I have met so many incredible people from Hospitality Club, social networking sites, blogs, travel forums, and message boards - this way of connecting is really very important to me. Nothing beats just going out to a party or a bar and striking up random conversation in person, but it sure does help to know of one friendly person who will invite you out to that party or bar to help get you started.

Comments are always welcome, and I'm also very reachable by email or through my website, which is in pretty desperate need of an overhaul and update. So much to do....

A little dose of Los Angeles, a little bit of late-night contemplating

After a few lovely days in Portland, Oregon, I headed south to my new home - Los Angeles, California. My life here is drastically different than my life in New York City. I drive to work instead of taking the subway or riding a bike, I haven't heard a single car alarm, I go to sleep relatively early, and I work in an accounting office. I also feel like I've been tired for the last two weeks straight and am craving a weekend where I don't have to work, celebrate, travel, pack, move, or plan to travel or move or work.

Once I sleep for twelve hours straight and get some decent coffee, I'm going to sit down and start focusing on the not-too-distant future. In just two and half months, I'll be back in Europe! That's starting to seem not too far away, and there's so much to do. I have been thinking about a new direction I want to take with the documentary I plan to produce, which is something I know I mention from time to time on this blog, but haven't really elaborated upon the details. If you're a new reader, all you really have to know is that I'm planning to make a documentary in Eastern Europe and trying to use the idea to get accepted into the Binger Filmlab in Amsterdam, a "a post academic training facility for film professionals." While the application process isn't all that complicated, it does require all kinds of serious thinking and writing and commitment. I haven't had the mental energy for any kind of serious writing or thinking lately, but I need to focus. As soon as I get some sleep.

I finished reading "Amsterdam: A Brief Life of the City" by Geert Mak, and ever since I've been randomly dropping Dutch history tidbits in my conversations with friends and family (a word to the wise: unless you really, really care - never bring up Greenland with me, especially if I've had a few drinks, because I will go on and on). Sometimes I think about getting a masters degree in some area of European history, if it wasn't so expensive - the last time I researched that idea was in 2006, when all I wanted to do was devour every book on French history ever written. But it would cost about triple the price for me to attend a university in Europe (versus an EU citizen). Besides, understanding European history and politics is a passion of mine - maybe something a little more than a hobby or interest, but is it really something I would want to study formally? Actually, the answer to that is yes, I'm just not willing to go into debt in order to make that happen. Then again, my grades in college weren't so bad, so maybe there would be scholarship options available?

Now I'm just thinking out loud, which means it's time to stop writing. My first choice is to get into Binger, but I should start thinking more about alternative plans.

The big money question

It's hard to aggressively save money while living in one of the most expensive cities in the US (and the 15th most expensive city in the world), and saving money needs to shoot way up on my priority list if I'm really going to be able to make this whole life-abroad thing happen. I thought through all of the possibilites, tried to create some kind of budget based on this raise I'm supposed to get in December, got a bit of a reality check at work, and I came to a realization: it's just not going to happen here. I really want to move to Amsterdam with at the very least $5,000 in savings (which thanks to the shitty exchange rate right now, works out to be €3,474) , and I'm nowhere near close to that goal. So I came up with an idea, talked it over with my mom, and at this point it sounds like the most realistic option I have.

If it all works out with The People In Charge, I'm going to leave New York City at the end of Janurary 2008 and move into her house in Los Angeles, California until April 15th. While I'm living at her house (which has plenty of room) I'll be exempt from paying rent and I'll work about 50 hours a week at her accounting firm. I've worked for them in the past and they were pleased with my performence, and since they always need extra help in tax season... it looks like I'll be welcome on board again. I'll make more than double what I make now and my only real expenses will be food, gas, and my cell phone bill.

This is going to be a pretty drastic move for me, even though it's only temporary (8-10 weeks). I haven't lived with one of my parents since I was a teenager, I haven't driven a car (which is necessary for LA) on a regular basis since 2001, and I don't even particularly like Los Angeles. However, I do have a lot of family and friends that live out there, and I might be able to meet some good film contacts if I make the effort. And most importantly, I would be able to save a lot of money - enough to get an apartment in Amsterdam. This does push my moving date back a bit - I orginally wanted to be in Amsterdam by mid-March, but arriving in mid-April shouldn't mess up any plans. I still want to apply for that Creative Producers Program at Binger, but the website says:

"The selection procedure takes place in two stages: a meeting of the international selection committee and an interview of the short-listed applicants.This procedure takes place between 5 and 6 weeks from the application deadline, and applicants are advised as to the outcome within 5 working days of the final interview."

Since the application deadline is March 15... if I was accepted and placed on the short list, I could arrive in Amsterdam right around the time I would need to be there for an interview.

It's a little shocking to think that if I follow through with this plan, I have just a little over three months left in New York City. That doesn't seem like much time, so I better do my best to make it count!