Taking the weekend off

I spent a really lovely long weekend in Portland, Oregon with some good friends. It was great to see Portland start to come to life with flowers blooming, sunny skies, and clear views of the mountains.

As I continue to look into my options and try to get a real answer on the visa and traveling situation, I'm feeling much more relaxed about the whole situation. The situation with the job in Amsterdam has moved in a good direction, (maybe) isn't such a long shot after all. I have met with two people - one who runs the NYC office, and one who runs the Portland office (and frequently travels to Amsterdam). The more I get to know about the company the better it seems, and the people who work there are absolutely great - any interview that includes using the word "fuck" at least ten times and bitching about the US health care system is the type of interview that makes me happy. Working for them would be a great career move, I would get to be in a creative environment, put my hands on some really great technology, and continue working in post. Just the fact that this option is even on the table at all feels great. Having one meeting in Amsterdam means gaining one contact.. and from one contact comes another.. and so on. I was actually offered work in Portland if I wanted to stick around, and as tempting (and flattering) as that is, I'm sticking to my Amsterdam plan. But I won't forget how happy I was in Portland, and that city goes on the "Places I could live happily" list. Just like in Amsterdam, I couldn't stop myself from taking pictures of all the great bikes...

Still, that job is just a possibility, so I'm continuing to think more seriously about other options (keeping in mind that the Binger application has already gone out, but I think it's a long shot that I would make it in). Several days ago, I wrote a pretty informal email to the International School at the University of Amsterdam, saying that there were two programs I was interested in and wondering if I should apply to both or pick one - and I was surprised that someone actually took the time to email me back and throughly answer my questions. The first program is a Master of Arts in European Studies: Identity and Integration, the other is Master of Science degree in Communication Science, with a specialization in European Communication Studies. The Communication Science/Studies degree relates very closely to my undergraduate education, so it makes sense for me to go that route - though I think I'm more interested in the courses offered in the European Studies degree. It turns out I can apply to both programs if I want (and only pay one application fee), though I have to chose a preference. I have time to think about it and gather opinions (and change my mind), since there's no way I'll meet the April 1 deadline for the September 2008 semester. I actually briefly considered trying to get it done in time for the deadline before I realized I might actually lose my mind if I take on one more project like that. Plus, it might be nice to actually visit the school first before I go trying to get accepted.

For the next few weeks, my spare time will be filled with putting together a new video project, making some changes to my website, and best of all... playing with my new mac! That was another highlight of my Portland trip - I am now the proud owner of a brand new 2.4GHz Macbook, along with a few new accessories that I couldn't resist while I was in the store (and getting hooked up with a discount).

New computer, great potential job meeting, great food, good friends - a very lovely weekend all around. Now, back to work.

Deadlines are approaching

The 15th of March is the deadline for my Binger application - a date that has always seemed very far away, until I realized yesterday that it's only another three weeks! The more I learn about this school, the more I think I'm not qualified enough to make it in, which only makes me want to get in that much more. The biggest part of the problem in getting a good start on the application was how to approach the essays - the questions are simple and annoyingly vague - "the reasons and motivation for applying at this stage in your career" and "your key goals in following the programme." The reason I had a difficult time getting started answering is because there are two options for applying to the Creative Producers Programme- as a producer with a project i.e. participating in the programme with a writer engaged on the Script Development Programme OR as a producer without a project who participates in the programme to develop his/her skills in working with writers and directors while enhancing understandings of dramatic forms, style and structure.

The thing is, I do have an idea, and I'm quite serious about making it happen. However, I also realize that it's just simply not developed enough at this stage to sell anyone else on what it is I want to do (I will come back to this in a minute). It's a nice thought that I could take my brilliant idea to Binger, and they would say "welcome, let us help you realize this!" But realistically? I don't have a writer - I'm the writer. And the film is a documentary, and Binger does not seem to turn out a lot of documentary work. I considered just giving up on the idea of Binger altogether, but then I thought... well, why not go for option two? I mean, option two describes me a lot better anyway. So I am applying as someone without a project who wants to develop my skills. If I get in, whatever I can learn is only going to benefit me.

In the past several weeks, I have been soaking up everything I can (with what limited time I have) on video blogging, and getting a lot of great information from sites like Moment Showing, Ryan Is Hungry, and the Semanal Project. All of these places have links to tutorials for putting video up on the web and making better use of blogging software, and there's just something about this medium that is really, really speaking to me right now. I spoke about this a few weeks ago, and the reason I mention it again is because I'm starting to think of all of the different options I have as a future "documentary filmmaker." I don't need a team of writers to accomplish my goal. The project I want to work on is very, very close to my heart. I want to make it my way - and of course get help as I go along - but I don't necessarily think that workshopping it for 5 months at a school is really something that would help, in the grand scheme of things. My ultimate goal isn't to make money with this film, it's to try and change the world. And it's selfish as well - it's giving me a reason to stay creative and to start taking on more responsibility, and it's the driving force behind me moving back to Europe.

However, it's not going to be my full-time job or my only mission. I also want to work on other video projects, and honestly, I would welcome the opportunity to work on a film that is a bit lighter in subject than what I'm used to thinking about. One of the reasons I chose Amsterdam for my next home is because even just as a visitor in that city, I've noticed the very vibrant, creative, international community of people that populate the area. I know I'll find my place somehow, and as I work on my application to Binger, I'm also thinking about essays I'm going to be writing for graduate schools. I'm thinking about any other skills I might have, like working in tourism (I gave walking tours in Paris for close to a year), that might be worth considering again. I'm thinking about not actually settling down anywhere, but spending 3 months a year in NYC, three months in Sarajevo, six months in Amsterdam or Paris - everything is a possibility right now.

But ideally, Amsterdam will be my home base. And since I have plane tickets that put me there from April 23 - December 22nd, I'm going to have to work on how exactly I'm going to do that without getting deported. I have a plan for that (even if everything else fails) that I will go into in my next post.

Let's talk details: honestly, how am I really going to do this?

With just sixty-five days left (not that I'm counting down or anything) until I'm back in Europe, it really is time to start thinking very seriously about exactly how I'm going to do this.

I know I want to establish myself there. And while I talk a lot about Amsterdam on this blog, I do want it to be known that I'm not married to the idea of living there for the rest of my life. I don't have a very good track record of sticking around, so as much as I'd like to think that me and Amsterdam belong together - that has yet to be seen. But I am sure that I want to be in Europe. First and foremost, because I am committed to the idea of making a documentary in the former Yugoslavia. I want to put filmmaking/videomaking first, everything else second. I want to combine my insatiable curiosity and passion for European history and politics with my love for documentary work, and hopefully find a community of people who share similar interests.

So I'm clear on my passions. I know I love Amsterdam and I can't wait to try and make my life there. And yes, I am very, very, very nervous and anxious about doing all of this on my own. I think I get a lot of undeserved credit for deciding to make this move, but the thing that just outright confuses me is when people say "you're so lucky!" I don't get that. Anyone - certainly any American - could do exactly what I'm doing. It's easier because I don't have kids, a house, or a family to support. But otherwise... luck? I decided to quit a really great job in New York City and leave most of my friends and family to move to a country that is already too crowded, where I hardly know anyone, I don't know the language, and the weather sucks. If I succeed in making Amsterdam my home, then maybe one can say I'm lucky ... but if I do succeed it will be because I worked my ass off on making it happen.

I'm trying to think in terms of a five-year plan. If I really, really want to make this documentary the way it should be made, I need at least five years in Europe. If I want to establish any kind of professional life, I'm going to need a lot of time to meet people and make connections - way more time than I would need if I moved to some random city in the US. As much as I wish that I could just live anywhere in the world that I want simply because I like it, that's just not the way the world works, and I need to accept that reality. So how does a 28-year-old American go about re-establishing a life in Europe?

There's still a shot at a job in Amsterdam, working in post-production for an American-owned company. If that doesn't work, then there's the Binger Filmlab. If I don't get accepted into Binger, I need to think of other ways to fill my time and eventually make some money... savings are only going to last so long. Well, I started dusting off an old idea, which is going for a Masters degree at a European university. I'm the first one to say that for just about everything I'm interested in (film, history, current European politics), I don't need a school to give me a degree in order to learn about the subject. To learn about filmmaking, I can make films on my own. To learn about history, I can read books. If I want to talk politics, there's a zillion places for that. So is it really worth it, o spend a bunch of money to get a degree in something just because I like it? Someone who gets a Masters in Law, or Business, or some kind of Computer Science... they'll likely go on to make a lot of money and be able to justify the expense. Me, I want to make documentaries and try to change the world. Last time I checked, that is not exactly a lucrative business.

But perhaps - if the job and the Binger filmlab don't work out - thinking about grad school in Europe isn't such a bad idea. It gives me a valid reason to be where I want to be. It may make me more appealing to future European employers ... I don't think it could hurt. I've been doing a lot of research on this lately and opened up my search to just about anywhere in Europe that isn't the UK or Ireland (nothing again those countries, they're wonderful places to visit but I wouldn't want to live there). Of course, because I seem to enjoy making life difficult for myself, I eliminated every native-English-speaking country from the list of places I would want to live - even though English is the only language I can speak fluently (I can get by with conversational, informal French and have some high school Spanish, but that's about it). So what other country offers an impressive list of graduate programs that are all taught in English?

The Netherlands, of course. "The Dutch higher education institutions together offer about 1,300 international study programmes and courses which are taught entirely in English. This makes Holland the front-runner in continental Europe." Even when I open my mind up to going somewhere that isn't in the Netherlands, I get pulled back. There are plenty of English-language programs in Germany, and even in the Czech Republic, Poland, and Estonia - but nothing quite compares to the options offered at the various universities in Holland.

Not to worry (in case you were worried, you, the random person reading my blog), this is not something I'm rushing into. It's just an idea, and I'm in the information-gathering stage. Even thinking in the long-term is a pretty scary idea for me, but I acknowledge that it might be nice to live somewhere for more than two years. Who knows, maybe Amsterdam will be that place.

When I check in on the visitor stats to this blog, it excites me to see that more than half of the people are from European countries. I really hope to use this blog as a way to meet people once I'm back in Europe, and maybe even help someone else who is considering moving abroad. When I first moved to Paris a few years ago, I didn't know anyone there. I honestly attribute most of the reason I ended up living in Paris to one woman named Fran, who without knowing me in person (we met in a move-to-Paris online community), agreed to host me and my then-boyfriend at her apartment for a few nights back in 2004. Beyond just giving me a roof over my head, she also introduced me to some of her friends - so by the time I moved there, I had a few people I could call up for a cup of coffee or glass of wine. I have met so many incredible people from Hospitality Club, social networking sites, blogs, travel forums, and message boards - this way of connecting is really very important to me. Nothing beats just going out to a party or a bar and striking up random conversation in person, but it sure does help to know of one friendly person who will invite you out to that party or bar to help get you started.

Comments are always welcome, and I'm also very reachable by email or through my website, which is in pretty desperate need of an overhaul and update. So much to do....