I'm very tired, and sometimes I wonder if it's just pure exhaustion that makes me feel like eh, whatever, moving out of the country in less than two weeks, no big deal. Will I be able to get some sleep once I'm in Amsterdam? Yes? That's all I really care about right now. Maybe next week I'll start getting nervous, but everything is about as planned out as it can be. The only things left to do are buy an HDV camcorder (exciting!) next week in New York City, pack, and say goodbye.
My friend C., who offered to host me when I arrive in Amsterdam, has decided to leave Amsterdam for Rome - I'll miss having her around, but I can't fault a girl for deciding to quit her job and change countries, right? Instead of losing a friend in Amsterdam, I just see it as gaining a friend in Rome, which works for me. But with her leaving Amsterdam (I think at the end of May) and my moving date rapidly approaching, I did start to more seriously think about where exactly I was going to live. A while back, she bought up me taking over her apartment as a hypothetical idea, and I hypothetically agreed that it was worth thinking about. Then sometime last week I thought, shit, I want that apartment. It is not a place I can stay for the long-term (it's one of the many "illegal" sublet apartments, which means that registration isn't possible, which means I can't apply for a residence permit), but for three months it can be home while I figure out what happens next. C. said that would work out great and we'll talk about the details when I arrive (in two weeks!).
So that's the Amsterdam news. In just a little over a week I'll go from being employed at a well-paying job and driving a nice car to enter the world of freelancing and total instability. I am ecstatic about giving up the car, and as far as giving up the idea of guaranteed, full-time employment - well, it's nothing I haven't done before. And honestly, there's always New York City. I have a lot of problems with that place (mostly involving how much it costs to live there), but the longer I stay away from it the more I miss it and feel like that is where home is. I feel the same way about Paris and Philadelphia sometimes too. But NYC - that's where the jobs are, that's where family and friends are, and it will always be there for me if I need to go back.
I mentioned in my last post that because of my quiet office job, I have a lot of time to listen to news, podcasts, and music, right? I think I'm going a little overboard. I'm finding myself having imaginary arguments with people all the time, constantly yelling at the radio, and unable to have a conversation without bringing up some crisis happening somewhere in the world. Someone suggested that I try and find some comedy podcasts to listen to, so I started searching, but Flight of the Conchords led me to HBO which led me to documentaries which led to an interview with Spike Lee about his documentary When the Levees Broke, and that's what I listened to as I finished up my work day. Directly after that I listened to this special on NPR about the Iraq War Senate hearings with Crocker and Petraeus, which led to more and louder yelling at the radio, especially since I was in the car and therefore didn't have to keep my voice down. Someone at the hearing bought up the "what if there's another humanitarian crisis somewhere in the world, like in North Korea or Afghanistan, how will the US Army be able to help?" and I'm thinking gee, WHEN DID THAT EVER HAPPEN BEFORE? Wasn't there some kind of incident involving a hurricane in 2005? Right here in the US? Isn't there a genocide going on in Darfur like, right now?
So that's what I'm up to. Yelling at people who can't yell back, while I wait impatiently for the 20th of April.